9 Steps To Get Your Marriage On Track After The Affair
Start marriage counseling now knowing that change will be required of both of you-- Change can be very difficult, but in order for your marriage to survive, positive change is the key to successfully keeping your marriage together.
Start thinking about why the affair happened– Generally, affairs occur for a reason. Together, we can figure out why and ensure your relationship never suffers from infidelity again.
Make changes in your life–Both of you may need to alter personal or work relationships to eliminate triggers of an affair.
Apologize for the affair– If your relationship is to get back on track, you must feel and express genuine remorse.
Listen–Your spouse will likely want to discuss the affair more than you do, sometimes to a point that feels overwhelming. Listening is critical, but most of it can be done in the counselor’s office.
Be ready to surrender your privacy–Give your partner access to all email accounts, cell phones, and bills. Be available 24 hours a day to show your spouse you have truly ended the affair.
Realize that your spouse will not heal overnight–It may take 6 months or even a year for your spouse to forgive infidelity. Allow your spouse time to heal-- do not rush the process and become impatient. Healing takes time, and cannot be rushed..
Be ready to give your spouse more attention–Many partners need extra attention and affection after an affair. Spouses frequently need reassurance, as their self esteem has been damaged. They frequently feel unloved and unwanted.
Allow your spouse time to truly forgive–Once your infidelity is out in the open, is over, and has been discussed, it may seem like things should go back to normal quickly. However, rebuilding trust and learning to forgive are huge undertakings that require both time and hard work. Forgiveness must be earned slowly, one step at a time.